


In the Water

by Blink_Blue



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, S1Ep08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 01:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8777452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: Something about the words Philip said won't leave Lukas alone as they lie together in bed.Missing scene from S1Ep08: The Larsons' Dog.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first Eyewitness fic! Go easy on me :)

Sometimes Lukas can’t understand the effect the other man has on him. How Philip’s presence can calm him one minute when he’s spiraling out of control, and the next cause his heart rate to skyrocket so fast Lukas thinks he might be having a heart attack. Right now it’s the former. They lie together, Philip pressed against him, face buried in his neck, and warm breath gently tickling Lukas’s skin. 

Lukas shivers as he turns his head to glance at the other man. Philip doesn’t stir. His breathing is so even and slow Lukas thinks he might have fallen asleep. Lukas can’t help the small grin that spreads on his lips as he watches the other man. He still can’t believe everything that’s happened to them in the past few weeks. Not just the shootings and the killer coming after them, but the simple fact that he feels things for Philip that he’s never felt before in his life. Philip has awakened something inside him, and it’s something Lukas realizes that he never, ever wants to let go of. 

Lukas gently rubs a warm thumb over Philip’s arm. In response, Philip stirs and curls himself even closer against him. The soft ticking of the pocket watch is another comforting presence. As he listens to the steady _tick tick tick,_ the only sound in the room save for their soft breaths, his thoughts can’t help but wander to the words Philip had said to him. 

_“I used to do this thing, whenever things got really bad back home.”_

_“No one could get to me. No one could touch me. I was safe.”_

_“It made me forget how bad things were.”_

“I thought you didn't like water.” Lukas’s voice is soft, barely a whisper. But it turns out Philip wasn’t completely asleep, because he lifts his head at the sound of the other man’s voice. 

“What?”

“I um,” Lukas clears his throat gently, “I thought you didn’t like water. When I wanted to go swimming with you… you looked scared.”

“I was scared,” Philip says softly with unreadable eyes. 

Lukas thinks back to that day. “You said ‘I don't swim’... not ‘I can't swim’...”

“I can't.”

“So if you’re afraid of water, how can it be a comforting thing to you?” Lukas frowns as he tries to think of what he’s missing. “How can you not like it, but... it’s still the safe place you go to in your head when things get bad?”

“Things got pretty bad,” Philip mumbles, his voice is a soft murmur against Lukas’s bare skin. He rolls away slowly to stare at the ceiling and Lukas finds himself immediately missing his presence pressed against his side. 

Lukas swallows as he watches him silently. “Things were that bad?” Philip hardly ever talked about his life before Tivoli. Lukas had been curious before, but there never seemed to be the right time to ask. Now is as good a time as any.

“They don't seem so bad anymore,” Philip chuckles softly, but the humor isn’t there. “Not compared to everything happening now.” He must sense that Lukas isn’t satisfied with his answer. A moment later, he shuffles his position, rolling back onto his side, but this time burying his face into his arm. 

Lukas blinks dumbly. “Hey, are you… are you okay?”

Philip lifts his face and presses it against Lukas’s shoulder. Lukas is shocked that he can see how tense the other man is. “What’s going on?” He asks worriedly.

“It wasn’t always in my head,” Philip eventually whispers. 

“What?”

Philip swallows and lifts his eyes, shivering slightly when they meet Lukas’s. “It wasn’t always just… the safe place in my head.”

Lukas nods slowly, though he still doesn’t understand. But he lets the other man know he can continue if he wants. 

“I used to take baths,” Philip says softly. His eyes lose a bit of focus, like he’s remembering something far, far in the past. “I’d put my head under the water, submerge myself completely, resting at the bottom of the tub, just… lying there, not thinking about anything at all. Not seeing or hearing… not worried about my mom, about us getting evicted, or how we were gonna put food on the table. Just… it was so quiet. You can’t hear anything under there. And I felt safe. It was the only place I felt safe.”

Lukas’s heart flutters. Philip doesn’t deserve this. He’s so _good_. Lukas wishes he could pull him close and protect him from anything that could possibly hurt him. Because Philip should never have to deal with that pain again. He rubs Philip’s arm gently and the other man curls into him.  

“Something happened a few years ago.” Philip takes a slow, shuddering breath as he continues. “The water always calmed me down. It was… a distraction from everything that was happening. And this one time I… I stayed under too long. I just… got lost in it. I remember it was… one of the few moments when my mom was sober enough to function. And I remember… waking up... choking on the water in my lungs. I remember it _hurt._ And all I could hear, was my mom hysterically crying. She couldn’t stop,” Philip whispers. His hand grips the fabric of his t-shirt tightly. Lukas feels tears pricking his eyes as he grabs that hand, clenching it tightly with his own. “She was shaking me, hitting me,” Philip continues softly, “crying and screaming and… she was so scared.”

“You must have been scared too,” Lukus murmurs. 

“I was terrified,” Philip nods. “I really scared myself that day. If my mom had walked in just a few minutes later, I might not have--”

“Don’t think about that,” Lukas croaks, because he can’t bare to hear the words said out loud. 

“I'll never forget her screams,” Philip whispers, closing his eyes. Sometimes he can still hear them. “I haven't taken a bath since that day. I haven't gone in a pool, I--I’ve just stayed away… because it terrifies me, what I almost did that day.”

Lukas presses his lips to Philip’s forehead tenderly. He holds him tightly in his arms. _Safe._ But there’s something still gnawing at him. “It was an accident, right?” Lukas’s voice is barely above a whisper, and he’s kind of terrified of the answer. 

“I--I don’t know,” Philip says softly. “I don't remember. I just wanted to get away for a while... escape the world. Escape everything in my life, and… I don’t know.”

“Well, you’re safe here,” Lukas says warmly. “You’re safe with me.”

Philip’s grinning gently when he lifts his head to look at the other man. “Have you forgotten there’s a serial killer after us?” He says lightly, trying to lift the mood.

“I don’t care,” Lukas says stubbornly. “I’d never let him hurt you.”

Philip’s smile widens and he wraps an arm around Lukas’s waist. “You promise?” He asks teasingly. 

“Of course I do,” Lukas whispers. Philip presses their lips together gently and their eyes flutter shut. Lukas is breathing heavily when they part-Philip’s words really got to him. “Go to sleep,” he murmurs gently. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Philip makes a face. “I was going to sneak back upstairs. What if Helen or Gabe wakes up before us and catches me in here?”

“I don’t care,” Lukas says honestly. “I don’t care if they find out. I want you here tonight. I want you here always.”

Philips grins again. “Always?”

Lukas nods. “Damn right.”

_Always._

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com)


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